True story: We used to have six ducks. My wife loves waterfowl and I hate them because, basically, they exist to foul water, right? DO NOT WANT!

Fucking three of the ducks drowned. Like seriously drowned. They climbed into a 60-gallon stock tank, forgot how to float, and fucking drowned. It wasn’t that they couldn’t get out of the stock tank, I fucking watched them get in and out! But they just went in it to swim, started floating, and then just… stopped. They sank.

I mean, floating is pretty much a core competency for a duck. That and having water run off their back is pretty much their deal, right?

But the ducks just kept sinking.

They just didn’t know how to float.

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